Brother Mine: Until Death Do Part Us
Divans as deep as tombs,
and strange flowers on shelves,
Opened for us under more beautiful skies.
Using their last warmth in emulation
Our two hearts will be two vast torches,
Which will reflect their double lights
In our two spirits, those twin mirrors.
One evening, made of mystical rose and blue,
We will exchange one last flash of light,
Like a long sob, laden with farewells;
And later an Angel, half opening the doors,
Will come, faithful and joyous, to reanimate
The tarnished mirrors and the dead flames.
At first, he had not really understood. Of course, he had heard the words but it had taken several seconds for the reality of that new knowledge to take hold in his mind. Then it had sunk in with growing horror. Unable to stand the worried gaze that was fixed on him, he turned on his heel and left, fighting his anger and incomprehension. Like a sprite of the wind, he ran to the only shelter he could think of: the stables. There, amongst the smell and sounds of the horses, he could make sense of the whirl of feelings and sensations that were agitating him.
His feet carried him swiftly to his stallion's box. He had slowed his pace down earlier when he had noticed the impressive number of people gathered in the court separating the stable from the manor. Then, he had remembered: today was the day. In a few hours, the Vale would be emptied of its last occupants and the place where he had grown and had been happy would be pushed back to that of memories. The only belongings he wished to take with him had been gathered months ago and the blades, papers, and scrolls were lying carefully in a chest.
As he entered his steed's box without hesitation, the brave animal did not divert his attention from feeding. The dark-haired Elf suddenly felt guilty for disturbing his companion, but in the end, the need for comfort was the strongest. He leaned against the flank of the horse and caressed the soft coat while breathing in its particular scent. Almost on their own, his fingers traced a name on the golden hairs and tears veiled his grey eyes. As though feeling his sadness or his nervousness, his stallion ceased eating and walked back so that his head was at the same level as his master's.
Elladan had never thought that such a thing was possible. Never in his darkest nightmares had he thought of this. Reaching for his proud mount, he twined his fingers with the white tresses that flowed along the length of the curved neck. Closing his eyes, he murmured the name of his desolation which he had uttered so many times in distress and longing, "Elrohir..."
A sob made his chest rise and, although he tried to contain it, he found that he could not. Pain spread in his chest as he recalled the memory of his discussion with his father. It was a pain he had thought long buried and forgotten but it arose anew, stronger than ever. A long time ago, he had cried for a love that was forbidden and cursed. But time had soothed his tears. People said that there was nothing one does not forget with time and that time erased pain and tears and gave back what was taken.
He had believed that.
He had hoped that time would teach him not to care anymore or to think of his beloved's skin against his own, his unique scent, or his rosy lips. He had prayed for time to heal the scars of his heart. But all of his hopes were crushed and his prayers remained unanswered as he wept bitterly like a child. Time, which was supposed to make him forget, had only worsened his pain.
Pain...
That was all he had now. The ache in his heart and his mind took everything from him in those short moments of eternity. He felt as though he had become the pain, or rather the pain had become his essence, his being...his everything. The time that was supposed to mend their injuries had pushed them further apart as each second was a step toward the terrible day of separation.
He could not believe that it had been his father who had announced the terrible news to him and that Elrohir had not been courageous enough to say it himself. Elladan could not help feeling betrayed. How could his twin make this decision without speaking with him? Elrond's elder son knew he had been naïve. He had lost hope that he would understand his brother a long time ago and had come to terms with the fact that his beloved would remain a mystery to him. But never had he imagined that time would separate them forever.
Thoughts were swirling in his mind. His brother's decision was far beyond his understanding. Why choose the Gift of Men over the Blessing of the Elven Flame when one was bound to a Firstborn? When he had learned of his twin's binding, he had felt that eternity had come between them. But death? That was something even more impossible to overcome. It meant separation beyond the barriers of time...the world. He had lost his sister to it and now his twin...his soul.
Elladan had long contemplated the idea of becoming mortal, afraid as he was by the thought of being apart from Elrohir for the rest of time due to the binding. But he had thought better of it. He could live with loving his brother from afar and could build a new life on the shreds of his youth. At least, that was what he had thought. He had turned his back on mortality even though his oath had yet to be taken. In his heart, he had wanted to remain with his twin.
Elladan closed his hand into a fist. Gift of Men...That was what they called it, but he called it a curse of time, bitterness, and oblivion.
He closed his eyes, refusing to see what was surrounding him or to look at the world as it was after it had stolen what he held dear and cherished. A simple whisper escaped his lips. "Why?" But even as the word faded from the ears of the world, it kept resounding in his mind, taunting and maddening. His lips tightened into a thin line and he let himself go to the sweet wave of temptation. He screamed his incomprehension and his pain.
"Why?!"
The golden stallion reared slightly at the unexpected outburst and Elladan let go of the animal while turning toward the wall and leaning against its wooden surface to relish in its coolness against his fevered skin. His fingers traced the lines of the wood as though trying to find a place to rest but found none. In the end, he rested his brow against his hand as his voice repeated unceasingly, "Why?"
"I have no answer."
The stern, but nonetheless gentle voice seemed to break violently through his trance and the elder son of Elrond turned wildly around to face his father; unsuccessfully willing his mask of pain to go away. Both stood silent for several seconds, grey eyes anchored into grey eyes. The Lord of the Vale broke the stillness of the scene and took a step closer to his son with supreme dignity. When he spoke, his words were soft and tender. "I wish I could ease your pain, ionen..."
"What do you know of my pain?" Elladan snarled. He knew he was being unfair to his father, but the words of comfort were more than he could bear. What did his father know of the ache of his heart, the pain, and the tears that had been his life for so long? How could his father pretend to share his pain when it had been he that had been the instigator of the masquerade that had cost him his joy and carelessness?
"More than you think."
The tone of his father's voice made him pause and he raised his eyes, wishing to see if the hurt he could hear in the voice was real or if he had imagined it. Elladan smiled a mirthless smile, but he took the time to watch his father...really watch him for the first time in a very long time. Elrond looked as young as his son. His frame was still slender and lithe and his countenance was still proud. But Elladan saw beyond the mirage of his father's countenance. Deep in the shadows of those grey eyes the pain was there. The pain of losing another loved one to mortality. Elros, Arwen, and now...Elrohir. Each of those names was like a denial of his own choice.
He knew he had his own decisions to make. It had been easy before with his steps following his brother's. But now, what was he to do? Did he want to spend eternity without him? Was he ready for this? There was also his father asking him wordlessly to follow the path of Elves. And also his mother, whose face he had longed to behold again.
Elladan shook his head, uncaring of the wayward strands that escaped the net of his intricate braids. This was a decision he could not make...at least, not now. Not like that. He wanted to understand and get the answers he needed before he made his decision. There was only one place where he could go. His mind made up, he walked past his father and their shoulders almost touched. His hands reached mechanically for the saddle, the bridle, and the blanket. It did not take him long to have his horse ready for the journey. He himself needed naught to travel since he had just returned from a hunt when his father had requested his presence his sword was already hung at his side and his bow slung across his shoulders.
He could feel his father's gaze on him but he could not bring himself to look at his elder as he announced softly, "I have to go."
Elrond knew his son well enough to not ask where he intended to go. That was exactly what he had feared since Elessar's coronation when his youngest son had informed him of his choice of remaining mortal. Tendrils of pain wrapped around his heart as he thought of that moment when he had lost his beloved son forever. He had guiltily kept this from the elder twin, afraid of what could come to pass. Elrohir had made him swear that he would not tell Elladan before the time came for the last Elves to leave Arda. But, on the verge of departure, he had known that he'd had to inform Elladan. He had kept this secret for too long and now he saw the moment when he would lose the last of his children to the fate of Men.
"Do not!" The words had stumbled out of lips too quickly and too loudly and Elrond bit his bottom lip when Elladan turned on his heel. What could he say save for 'Please, do not leave me. Not you...' His children's choices were theirs to make and he had to accept them, regardless of the tears and heartache.
His emotions must have shown on his face for his eldest son approached him and gently placed a long-fingered hand on his shoulder. It struck Elrond that it might be the last time he ever saw his son and tears clouded his eyes even though he tried to fight them back.
"Adar, you know I have to speak with him. I am sure I can have him change his mind." Elladan understood his father's reticence, but he needed to see Elrohir...to speak to him. He loved his brother, no matter what he had tried to believe or how harsh the pain of the betrayal.
Covering his son's hand with his own, Elrond moved closer and gazed into Elladan's eyes as their breath melded together. He shook his head slowly when he realized that his elder son had not heard all he had said. For several seconds, he fought with himself to find the strength to speak. "Elladan..." He felt his son stiffen and squeezed the hand he held a little bit more strongly. "There is no turning back, ionen. Elrohir's choice is made and..." He hesitated slightly before continuing, "His oath to the Valar is taken."
He watched how Elladan stumbled back as though struck by an invisible blade. His pupils dilated to the point that his eyes seemed made of the darkest night. His son's pain tore at his heart and he closed his eyes briefly. "Do not lose yourself in hopeless quests, my son. This I beg of thee." Encouraged by his son's silence, Elrond added "I know this flame in your eyes. You have gone down this road once. Do not go there again."
Elladan remained silent for several seconds, unable to move or speak as he contemplated the sudden helplessness of the situation. There was no turning back his father had said. Never had life seemed so filled with gloom. He took a deep breath and finally replied, "It does not matter. Adar, please understand that I cannot leave my brother without a farewell."
Averting his attention from his sire, he jumped effortlessly onto his stallion's back. Sighing, he met his father's eyes and held them as Elrond stated urgently, "The Elves are leaving Arda. This is one of your last chances to sail to Valinor and you know it! Soon, your grandfather will leave these shores and the roads of the ocean will be closed."
"I know."
With a last smile, Elladan urged his stallion forward. He did not see his father rush behind him, his formal composure forgotten nor did he see the older Peredhel lean against the frame of the stable door. He did not hear his last words: "I have already lost two of my children, Elladan. I do not want to lose another one."
Elrond's eldest son had ridden hard for ten days, rushing to cover the leagues that separated him from his brother. He had pushed his horse mercilessly, which the beast was not used to. But Elladan only had ears for the call of his heart and the song of the blood beating in his veins. He had ridden through several days and nights over the mountains, resting only when he felt that his horse could go no further. He had taken little or no rest when the stars had lit his path, unable to sleep with his mind immersed in a frenzy of thoughts.
And now it was there: the forest where he would find his twin. But he still did not know what he had come to seek.
His keen eyes came to rest on the hill in which Thranduil's caves were hidden. His eyes fell on the sight of the bridge that seemed to sink into the ground leading to the shelter of Wood Elves and he suddenly wished he had held to his oath to never come there again. What would he say to his brother when he saw him after years spent apart? What words would change things that could not change and turn the past into the present?
He willed the thoughts away for they wouldn't bring him any answers to his questions or relief for the turmoil of his soul. Instead, he urged his horse forward and, as they progressed slowly through the trees, Elladan realized that the realm was empty of all life. The Elves had no reason to remain there any longer and most of the Sindar had left definitively, taking their possessions to Mithlond where they would build great ships to set sail across the sea and join their kin in Aman. Those who had refused the call of the Blessed Realm as their forefathers before them had done would fade away and had chosen to move to the heart of the forest where they would live in harmony with nature.
The elder twin stopped once more as he reached the entry of the underground castle, sorrow filling is heart as he gazed with apprehension upon the great gates that were open. The Halls of Thranduil must have been deserted. But where had Elrohir gone? Not with the Avari for sure. He could not have remained alone in those empty corridors and cold rooms. Had he left for Gondor to share their sister's life? Or was he somewhere else, unattainable and far from his reach, hiding from those who loved him?
Weary as he was, Elladan still dismounted as gracefully as he could and leaned heavily against his mount, feeling acutely tired of life. He suddenly wished he could lie down and sleep until the end of time. Few sleeping draughts were more efficient than deep disappointment. After Elrohir's binding, he had slept for days in their shelter among the sheets that still bore the scent of their joining. He had remained in them for several days and nights, crying on the ashes of his love when he was awake and thinking on what was no more when he had had no strength left to cry.
But he could not lie there on the autumnal mattress of leaves scattered on the ground. He had to take care of his horse, which was exhausted by the frantic journey. He had to bring his companion to a warm stable where he could rest and eat.
Gathering the reins in one hand, Elladan looked around him once more and kicked absently at the yellowed leaves on the ground. Autumn had come early to Lasgalen, as though the whole forest wept over the departure of its children, the Sylvan Folk. Sadness washed over him as he approached one of the great trees that bordered his path and caressed the sturdy bark with a trembling hand, feeling the warmth beneath his palm. They were not much different for they had both lost what they held dear. Soon, the great hosts of the forest would fall silent, since none of those who spoke their language would remain. A deep sleep would soon overcome them and there would be none left to awaken them to the world. They had nothing left to care for and neither did he.
With a last farewell, he entered the palace followed by his mount. It was not as though they were disturbing anyone. The place was devoid of any life. The hooves of his horse resounded on the cobblestones they were treading, the sharp echo reverberating oddly against the high vaults and breaking the silence hovering upon them. An endless night ruled over this place now since the fingers of Anor could not reach through the thick walls.
The torches that used to light the way hung forsaken upon the walls and he seized one of them to light with two of what he used to call 'fire rocks' when he was an Elfling. The light suddenly invaded the halls and chased back the moving shadows surrounding him. A nervous laugh escaped his lips. It felt unreal as the fire cast distorted some drawings on the walls as well as the ground. It seemed a dream, but it was no more than a gloomy reality.
His feet knew the way to the stables and lost no time in covering the distance. He could not help but feel uneasy for he had never loved the place. He loved running in the plain air too much to enjoy being buried there and his natural reticence had increased tenfold since his brother had come to live in the Woodland realm. An unexpected sound caught his ear and he froze in his tracks, unable to acknowledge its nature at first. In the stables, a horse had felt the approach of one of its kind and had neighed a welcome to the presence that would break its solitude. He increased his pace with the knowledge that Elves would have not left a horse alone in this forsaken place. It could only mean that Thranduil's Halls were not as deserted as he had initially thought.
Light assaulted his eyes as he finally reached the place he sought and he had to blink hard to chase away the sudden dizziness. Encouraging his stallion to enter one of the boxes with gentle words, he quickly divested the weary animal of saddle and bridle before bringing him some hay. Thanking the brave animal for his courage while patting his neck, he left his companion to his well-earned rest and approached the other inhabitant of the stables. It was a gentle mare whose coat was as dark as the ebony night. She looked at him with bright intelligent eyes and blew through her nostrils in welcome. In a corner of her box, he could see fresh hay and a bucket of pure water. Bestowing a caress upon her nose, Elladan asked absently though he knew he would get no answer, "Where is your Master, vanimaer?"
He let his gaze wander around him, but barely noticed his surroundings. He was wondering at this Elf's identity. Mayhap the latter could help him find his missing twin. He slowly walked out of the stables. In his heart, hope had been rekindled.
It felt so strange to be standing in Thranduil's deserted castle and faced with the terrible fact that things had changed irreparably. He had known it before, but once there he had come to realize what it truly meant. Times had changed. It was not the same in the Vale, where numerous Elves still dwelled. It was hard for him to come to terms with the fact that the place where he had grown up would soon be as empty as these halls. The rooms he had entered all presented the same devastating picture...like nothing had changed. The beds seemed to be waiting for the embrace of the inhabitants. On the walls, bright tapestries still hung, books and parchments rested on shelves while ink and quills waited for a correspondence that would never be written again on the desks. Dust had covered the ground and the halls that had once been famous for their beauty and richness had been divested of their charm. It was a place apart from the tide of time, but everything would soon fade or crumble beneath the merciless cycle of age.
In that moment of realization he buried his face into his hands. But then something in the darkness caught his attention: the light sound of footsteps. It could have been no more than an impression, an illusion born of his mind, but years spent with the Rangers in the wild and as a border guard had taught him to trust his senses. Instinct took precedence over reason and, taking his sword in hand, he ran lightly in the direction of the noise. His instinct proved to be true when he suddenly caught sight of a flickering light ahead of him. But the sighting suddenly faded into darkness as the mysterious Elf discovered his presence and extinguished the torch he was bearing. However, Elladan refused to be vanquished and kept on running. It was only a matter of seconds before Elrond's eldest son came to realize that his quest was hopeless and that he had lost the trail of the inhabitant of the halls.
He stood still for several minutes, eyes closed and heart heavy in his chest as his breath came out in ragged gasps. The torch escaped his feeble grasp and fell to the ground, where it dimmed and plunging him into darkness. But he did not pick it up. He suddenly felt like crying but he could not afford such a luxury. Tears would lead him nowhere but to self-destruction. He had to go forward. It was one of the harshest lessons life had taught him: no matter how bad the pain was, he had to go on to reach the light again. But he could not bring himself to walk again amongst the shadows. His thoughts were focused on his brother. He would have liked to see his twin at least one last time to confess his fears and despair so that he could finally forgive himself.
Lost as he was in his daze, he saw neither the lithe silhouette that glided out behind him or the threatening glint of a dagger. He suddenly felt an arm circle his chest and the cold kiss of the blade against the tender skin of his neck and opened his eyes in surprise. But, before he had the time to counteract the attack, his assailant had stepped back as though frightened by something unexpected. Freed of the constricting embrace, he did not turn on his heel to face the one that had dared to threaten him in such a way.
He knew his attacker. He had known at the very moment they had come into contact. The scent was one he would have known anywhere made of pine and sweet honey that reminded him of his youth and the time of happiness: Elrohir's.
Elrohir was the last Elf he would have thought to see there. But what paralysed him was not the unexpected meeting, but was the fact that he had not felt his twin's presence. He still did not feel it. The link between them had been severed. There was nothing in his soul but a hollow chill.
"What are you doing here?"
Startled by the sound of his brother's voice, Elladan searched for the strength to turn towards his twin. The grey eyes were fixed upon him and he was surprised by what he found there. There was an odd gleam to his twin's eyes that had never been there before. He had seen deep love and cold blankness in those eyes as well as joy and pain, but never had the bottomless orbs shone with fear. The sparkle disappeared, covered by the coldness that had long ago replaced the tenderness. Again, there was that nagging voice in the elder twin's mind, 'What did you expect?'
Taking a few steps forward, he answered truthfully, "I wanted to know why." The words seemed to strike his twin more surely than his fist would have and it was then that Elladan realized that his brother had not expected him to know of his choice. Their father must have been sworn to secrecy over the matter. Something like pain seemed to pass in his brother's eyes and Elladan had to resist the need to take his twin in his arms so that the pain passed. But the strange shadow disappeared as fast as it had come in the grey eyes he knew so well.
He looked at his brother intently and found him unchanged since the last time they had met at their sister's binding. But there was something that had never been there before: awkwardness. A sad smile ghosted Elladan's lips. Many things had come to pass between them but not awkwardness.
However, he had to recall that the Elf he was facing was his brother no more. His brother would never have made such a choice without speaking with him first. It was so difficult to hold onto his anger and betrayal when this new Elrohir looked so much like his brother of old. Hating his twin from afar was easy but when he was so close, Elladan could feel his old resentment melt away. Elrohir's voice broke the silence. "Let us go to my rooms. The cold is chilling here."
It was then that Elladan noticed the silent shivers of cold running the length of his brother's slender frame. So...it had begun. He himself did not feel the chill, but Elrohir's sensitivity to the weather was certainly the most apparent consequence of his choice. He followed his twin wordlessly through the corridors of the place, amazed at his brother's confidence within the twisty caverns. He felt helpless with the reawakening of his desire as he beheld the slow graceful balance of his twin's hips.
They entered a room that Elladan did not recognize for they were not the rooms his brother had occupied when he had last come there. As though reading his unspoken question even if it was not possible anymore, Elrohir remarked, "It felt so wrong to remain in the apartments that I had shared with her now that our binding is no more."
Elladan only nodded and took a chair as far away as possible from his brother, who sat on the edge of the vast bed. The silence that came between them weighed heavily on his shoulders. Once more the too familiar question piped up, "What did you expect?"
Suddenly, Elrohir got up and the bed creaked as he did so. He turned his back on his brother as though he could not bear to look at him. "You should not have come." The words were spoken softly as though intended for himself and not for his brother.
Blinking, Elladan straightened himself while frowning deeply as a deep sense of injustice washed over him. The words that left his lips betrayed his bitterness and pain as he all but snarled, "Why? Do you think I do not deserve an explanation?"
The answer that came was not what he had expected and his anger crashed upon his brother's sorrow like waves that broke upon cliffs. "Your presence makes things more difficult."
The trembling in the soft voice matched the crystalline tears that were running the length of his brother's cheeks and Elladan once more felt the overwhelming need to spare his twin the anguish and pain. Once upon a time, he had sworn to protect Elrohir and now he was the one to cause his crying. This was so wrong. Approaching silently, he faced his brother. When the latter averted his eyes to the ground to conceal his tears, Elladan's hand came to cup his beloved's cheek and he forced their gazes to meet. Elrohir finally whispered, "I am afraid, Elladan. So afraid..."
A simple search of his brother's eyes showed Elladan better than all the words of the world since he had already seen that odd gleam in his twin's orbs along with a shadow of despair and longing mixed in. Feeling his own tears streak his cheeks, he embraced his twin. There was no lust in the embrace only the heartfelt wish to chase the shadows away. There was no more questioning in Elladan's mind. No more words were needed for him to understand what had come to pass in his twin's mind. He knew as he had known many things in his ageless life. And with his brother in his arms, he came to accept the course of life just as he had accepted that they'd had to be separated. Elladan buried his face in his brother's dark tresses and inhaled deeply, feeling at peace with himself for the very first time in many years. He could feel Elrohir's tears dampening the fabric of his tunic but he cared naught. He understood now. His brother had not forsaken him. That was all that mattered.
Without ever breaking the embrace, he directed his twin towards the bed while whispering tender words of comfort. They sat on the comfortable mattress and Elladan tightened his hold upon the lithe body, wishing he would never have to let him go and felt like dying if he had to do so. He rocked his twin gently like he would have done with a newborn child. How much time came to pass as they remained thus he did not know. But time had no importance.
He felt his brother relax slowly and took comfort in the knowledge that he could still bring peace to Elrohir. Indulging the temptation, he kissed the pale forehead. When Elrohir raised his head to look at him, Elladan was surprised by what he could see in the darkened orbs. He had expected many things but not calm acceptance. Elrohir had once been filled with a fire that had seemed to consume everything and Elladan could not help but wonder when the flame had been extinguished. Had he been so blind that he had not seen it?
Oh he wished that they had been stronger and refused their parents' choices a millennium ago. He did not know where that path would have led them, but he was sure that, had they chosen otherwise, they would have been happier.
"I love you still," Elladan admitted softly, not really knowing what would come of this and expecting the wrath of the Valar to fall upon him for loving an Elf bound to another. His long fingers caressed the edge of a chiselled cheekbone softly. With a deep breath, he continued. "I had thought for so long that I hated you. I had tried to hate you, but I have never really succeeded. I love you too much to do so"
A sad smile graced Elrohir's features as he contemplated his twin's admission. He knew he was weak. Elladan should not be there. Elladan should be sailing now and it was his fault that his brother had not done so yet. He had to find the strength within to break the embrace and will his brother away. He did not want his twin to fall as he himself had and had no wish to take Elladan into the dark abyss of time and death. He disentangled himself from his twin's arms. "You should leave, Elladan... Our paths parted a long time ago and should remain so. Do not bring the past between us."
But he never had the opportunity to continue. Lips that he had long dreamed of kissed him. He had often fantasised about that kiss while he had fulfilled his duty by loving the sweet Elleth he had been bound to. But this was no dream. This was reality. Hands that were strong and soft at the same time buried themselves in his hair. Feeling his will vanish, he opened his lips and welcomed his brother's tongue in his mouth, kissing back as he knew he should not. There was a burning fire in that kiss that had been denied to them for so long and it set him ablaze and made him long for more.
He did not protest as he was lowered onto the bed and when his twin's body covered his own. That was where he belonged and had finally come back to. He was home.
He did not wish for his brother to tread his path. He wanted Elladan to live and enjoy a free life without constraint...to love in the daylight and laugh again. Their love had been forbidden by honour and they had never had the chance of loving each other in plain sight, instead always seeking the shadows to make love or kiss.
"I do not like those shadows in your eyes, melethron."
His twin's voice brought him back to the present and, as he gazed into his brother's familiar orbs, he felt his heart constrict in his chest with love and fear. Straightening himself, he rose from the bed, feeling his twin's gaze fix on his nudity as he reached for a robe resting on the ground. He came back to the bed wordlessly and knelt on Elladan's side of the bed, taking one of his brother's hands into his own. His fingers idly caressed the strong palm. Without meeting his twin's gaze, he implored, "Tell me you will not remain here, my love."
He felt Elladan's hand covering his own and raised his eyes as his brother replied, "I will not leave you, Elrohir. Never again." Elladan threaded his fingers through Elrohir's raven hair, marvelling once more at the silkiness. As his forehead brushed against his brother's, he whispered, "I have found you now and I will not let you go."
"I do not want you to die," admitted the younger twin, desperation making his voice weak. "I do not want you to share this fate. I want you to walk through Aman and see Naneth once more. I want you to tell her how much I loved her and how much I missed her..."
"Then why did you choose so, muindor? Why did you not sail the vast ocean?" Elladan closed his eyes as he took a deep breath, inhaling the air his brother exhaled.
"Do you have to ask this question? I thought you understood..."
Elladan fell silent as he opened his eyes and drowned himself in the depthless ocean of his twin's gaze. Of course he knew. He could see it in the eyes looking at him with sorrow. The burning need that matched his own would not suffer to be constrained for much longer. One day, they would have indulged the temptation and honour would not have suffered their insult. They would have been shamed along with their family. Elrohir had done what he had thought necessary to put distance between them and prevent them from worse.
"When we were among the Dúnedain the night before we marched toward Mordor, I almost came to you. After the battle upon Pelennor Fields, I stood afar from your tent and I could not decipher the road that I should take. Then Legolas entered your tent and I understood that I could not go on like that. I could not keep up with a life that did not belong to me... I had lived the life they had imposed upon me long enough and, had I sailed, there would have been no way for me to escape it."
"Then understand that I wish to live the same life as you. Let me make this choice for us, meleth. I love thee and I want to spend the rest of my life with you in the light of Anor. An eternity without you would be dull and hollow and I have not the strength to face it. If I can have you for the lifespan of Men, so be it..."
Elladan kissed him. He knew that Elrohir would protest and that they would fight, but he could be as stubborn as Elrohir and in his heart his decision was made. He had lived too many years for others. He would choose mortality over the eternity of the Firstborn but this would not be the burden as he had first thought. It would be the beginning of a life dedicated to love.
Above them in the ebony sky Ithil shone more brightly as the lovers were reunited.
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