The Best Foes: Brothers
"I begin to get bored, muindor nÎn"
Lying upon the soft grass, Elladan was staring in awe at the magnificent starry sky blessing his sight. Next to him was Elrohir, his head resting upon an improvised pillow made of his cloak. His hair was unbraided, wet from their previous bath in the close stream, spread upon the soft fabric, making a dark halo around his alabaster skin. For some seconds, neither of them spoke, both of them enjoying the mere presence of the other and the soothing peace of the place.
They were lying upon the grass of a clearing that had been their shelter since their early childhood. Chance had enabled them to find that little secluded clearing while they were playing in the forest bordering the vale. No need to say they were not allowed to go so far away from the house but, as elflings, they had had the nasty habit of forgetting what they were supposed to do and behaving exactly as they should not. They had immediately fallen in love with the small place bordered by high and flexible trees, whose foliage offered a welcomed cover to escape the burning heat of warm and sunny summer days. There was something in the small clearing that had never stopped to attract and amaze them. It might have been that the grass seemed greener and more comfortable there than anywhere else in the vale. It might have been the way Anor blessed the place with her golden rays filtering through the leaves of the trees. It might have been because the songs of the birds that appeared more vivid and more joyous. It might have been because of all of that, but neither of the twins had ever thought about it, letting the place keep its secret, its magic. Few knew about that place. Lindir and Glorfindel were the only ones to have found out about their secret. Lindir, because, as their closest friend, he had the privilege of being introduced to the clearing and Glorfindel because their old tutor had tracked them here one day when they had sneaked out instead of attending their lessons.
After pondering his brother's lament, Elrohir could not help smiling, a luminous and beautiful smile that brightened his fair features. Without looking at Elladan, he teased:
"Is this the same Elladan that, three weeks ago, was so eager to come back home to be able to take a proper bath and to seduce the beautiful Illisse?"
Elladan let escape a faint outraged hiss and, leaning upon his elbow, the elder twin poked his brother in the ribs to get even. The younger twin couldn't suppress his laughter when he looked upon his brother's deadly serious expression:
"Be serious for a moment, saes, Elrohir..." the elder twin scolded, frowning at his brother's joyous laughter that resounded in the little clearing, rising to greet the top of the high trees.
Hearing his twin's plea, Elrond's younger son tried to calm himself but it took him several moments before he was able to face his mirrored image, his features calm and smooth, his head supported by his hand, looking as innocent as any new born babe, plunging his deep gray eyes in his brother's. When he spoke, his voice did not belie the seriousness of his face:
"I'm serious, Elladan. I do not understand you, that's all..." He paused, smiling softly at his twin's expression before adding: "You are so restless, muindor-nīn. No matter where you are, you still wish to be elsewhere..."
Elladan stared for some seconds at the beautiful one looking at him with those bottomless shining eyes. He could not fathom how people could not see the differences between them. Elrohir was the more thoughtful while he was the more spontaneous, and those differences were written in their eyes, on their features: something in the sparkling light of their pupils, something in the decided line of their jaw... Something to which people did not pay a lot of attention, but that was present and everlasting. A wave of tenderness crashed over him as he tried to memorize forever his twin's image looking at him in that fashion. People thought him to be the more inclined to danger, but he was not sure who the worse of them was. He might act carefree sometimes, but Elrohir was always aiming at a higher level when he decided to do something.
"I do not understand you..." He heard again Elrohir's voice and he smiled inwardly as he assessed the falsity of those words. No one knew him so well than his beloved brother. Both of them were well aware of their unique bond. Elrohir was only uttering a pious lie.
"Are you sure you do not know what I feel, Elrohir?" he insisted, never breaking the eye contact with his brother, letting his interior smile surface in his tone.
Elrohir sighed and remained silent, not wanting to recognize that his twin was right. But, under Elladan's close scrutiny, he felt that he had to tell the truth.
"Well, maybe I do..." he acknowledged with a sad smile and a slight shrugging of his shoulders, combing his long dark hair with his free hand, grimacing as he encountered a knot.
Something as a hint of victory graced Elladan's smile, but it disappeared soon, as his eyes took a thoughtful shade. The older twin let himself fall down upon his back, gazing silently at the sparkling stars in the sky, lingering slightly upon the most shining of them, Eärendil, his grandfather's light. He let the nocturnal sounds about soothe his wounded soul, aware of his brother's loving and caring gaze upon him, taking comfort and strength in it. Elrohir waited for him to speak, but he knew better than urging him. Finally, the elder twin decided to voice his thoughts, his voice fluid, but holding an infinite sadness.
"You know, when we are there, hunting orcs, fighting and killing, I wish only one thing. That I could stop that carnage and go back home... Home where I could claim my innocence back, where I could think of her when she was walking through the gardens, laughing, happy, alive... Not as when we found her..."
Elladan's voice shivered slightly when he uttered the last few words. He did not have to precise about whom he was referring. Elrohir knew and Elladan was aware that the same kind of emotions was displayed in his brother's mind, leaving behind a trail of despair and incompletion.
"But when I come here, it's worse, Elrohir..."
His beautiful gray eyes were full of tears when he sought the younger twin's gaze. Whispering, he repeated:
"It's worse..."
An eternity of pain those years had not been able to heal passed through those simple words and Elrohir felt the tears gathering in his own eyes as the pain was also alive in his heart. But, if Elladan was aware of his brother's pain, he did naught to soothe him. Instead, he continued, needing to unburden his heart:
"It is worse because she is not here. They are the same gardens... The same house... The same roses... But she's not here. And it's worse knowing she will never be here again..."
The tears that Elladan had tried to contain were now running freely the length of his pale cheeks and Elrohir, who was now sitting, stretched a soothing hand to wipe the crystalline liquid away. He repelled a rebellious strand of hair that was hanging in front of his brother's foggy eyes. Before he could take his hand away, Elladan captured it and kissed lightly his knuckles. A new wave of sorrow crashed upon Elrohir as the brief contact opened a bridge between their emotions. Instinctively, he took his brother in his arms and hugged him tight, whispering senseless words of comfort, unaware of his own tears running down his fair features.
They hold each other for a long time, letting the touch of Ithil quiet their angst and fears, clinging at each other as drowning, thanking wordlessly Elbereth for having each other as a support to lean on. When their sobs quieted, they did not let go each other and remained enfolded in the familiar and comforting embrace.
Breathing deeply his brother's scent, so alike his own, Elladan told, his voice barely more than a whisper.
"I think it might be time to leave, muindor-nÎn..."
With a simple nod, Elrohir acknowledged his brother's wish, knowing well that it would useless to protest against a need he would soon feel himself. Stroking Elladan's back, his chin resting upon the dark curls of his brother, he suggested:
"Perhaps Ada will let us go to Mirkwood with the others..."
The elder twin smiled softly, feeling what his brother did not say yet: "Perhaps... But he will not be pleased at all". He did not speak for a few seconds then he added: "It's said that the Shadow is very present in Mirkwood. It may be truly dangerous to go there..."
A hint of amusement was present in Elrohir's voice when he teased:
"Since when did danger repel you?"
Elladan did not answer that question that was not truly one. Instead, he said:
"You might see him there..."
As they were still so close, Elladan was able to feel the sudden tension in his twin's body and he laughed softly:
"Do you think I would not know you still think of him?" Raising with a long finger his brother's lowered chin to cross his gaze.
A modest smile graced Elrohir's features and he said, trying to joke, but failing as a slight blush coloured his cheeks and his ears:
"You still know me better than I ..."
They did not speak for a moment and, absently, Elrohir began to stroke his brother's back with circular motion, feeling the tense muscle relaxing under his touch. Then, he tried to explain, leaving long silences between his words:
"I don't know why he is still in my thoughts... I do not know him, I only know that he is the son of Thranduil... But there is something in his eyes that bewitches me... I can't say I'm in love with him, but I want to know him... I want to understand him... "
For another long moment, no words disturbed the two brother's tender embrace. Then, Elladan disentangled his long fingers from his twin's hair and stroked flushed skin of Elrohir's cheek before saying:
"Do not try to hide things from me, Elrohir. Whatever you might think, tell me, I will understand. I don't know what I would be without you. I'm not sure I would still deserve to be called an elf..."
Then, he nuzzled again his dark head against his brother's shoulder, letting the night envelop them under the careful gaze of Ithil.
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